Category Archives: One Page Plays

Shootin’ In The Street

A residential neighborhood at the edge of the woods.  A relatively calm cul-de-sac street.

A 10 year old BOY enters with a .22 caliber rifle and a beer can.   He puts the can downstage, goes upstage, aims, fires, misses, walks to can, spins it around, walks upstage, aims, fires, misses, walks to can.  Repeats a third time.

Neighbor One (N1) enters stage left while Boy is at beer can/target.

N1: Hey.

BOY: (startled) Hey.

N1: That’s the street, you know.  It’s not a good idea to shoot into the street.

BOY: Oh, OK.

N1: It’s just that… OK.. Thanks.  (pauses, thinks, then)  It’s a nice gun.  Did you get that for christmas?

BOY: Yep.

Neighbor Two (N2) enters holding a milk crate full of car parts.

N2: What’d’ya’ want?  What’re’ya sayin’?

N1: O, hi.  I was.. I live right there, you know.

N2: I know.

N1: And I was just asking him to not shoot into the street, is all.

N2: Well, don’t talk to him, talk to me.

Boy is caught in middle.

N1: OK.  Then I’ll ask you to ask him to not shoot into the street.

N2: Nope.

N1: Nope?  What do you…?

N2: ‘Cause it goes against what I already told him.

N1: What does?

N2: I told him to shoot into the street.

Pause.

N1: Ah, OK, but, I’m asking you… I mean, you can’t…

N2: I didn’t come out here to argue.

N1: I’m not arguing.

N2: Yes you are are if you’re telling him to not do something that I already  told him to do.

N1: But he can’t, I mean, common sense, you know, you can’t shoot into the street.

N2: He knows to look out for cars.  He’s not stupid.  We’re not stupid.

N1: I’m not.. I’m, I’m…

N2: That’s it; we’re done. (to Boy) Come on, inside. (to N1) You don’t talk to him; you talk to me.

Boy and N2 exit stage right.

N1: That’s what I’m trying to do.

N1 watches them leave then looks at beer can/target.  He walks over to can and in a sudden rage, picks up the can, crushes it in his hand, lacerating his palm.   He stands there looking at his bloody hand until he closes his eyes, raises his hand, and feels the blood run down his arm.

END

Hashtag Jesus

Three people, business casual, at an oversized conference-room table waiting for a meeting to begin, ALLEN, BABS, and CHUCK.

(note: # is spoken each time as “hashtag”)

Allen: When’s this meeting going to start? #ICantWait4Ever

Babs: Me neither #courseItsGoingToBeBoring #SoWhoCaresIfTheyShowUp

Allen: I should never except a reoccurring meeting #NotUlessTheresFood

Babs: I know I’m hungry #IHearTheresCakeInTheBreakRoom

Allen: #Awesome #BestDayEver

Babs: #TotallyGonnaRockTheCakeAfterThisMeeting

Chuck: Hold on, are you two going to talk in hashtags all meeting?

Babs: #Yep

Allen: #DudeRelax

Chuck: #Whatever

(pause)

Chuck: It’s just that people use the hashtag too… superlatively.

Allen: #MostLikelyToSucceed

Babs: #ClassClown

Chuck: I mean, like, someone will post something like, “there’s cake in the break room” #Grateful

Allen: #BestDayEver

Babs: #Blessed

Allen: #Jesus

Chuck: Ah, you better watch what you’re hashtaging.

Allen: Oh, my bad #TakenOutOfContext #IsThereRealyCakeInTheBreakRoom

Babs: #IHopeSo #JesusLetThereBeCakeInTheBreakRoom

Chuck: Guys you cannot… #Jesus in a place of employment.

Allen: Yeah, I can #WhyTheFNot

Chuck: It’s like… #proselytizing

Babs: OMG #OMG #ForThoseOfYouWhoDontGetItOhMyGod

Allen: #ThereIsNoGodButAllah

Babs: #Jihad

Allen: #Jesus

Chuck has been checking his email on his phone.

Chuck: Ah… Teenagers… This meeting has been cancelled.

Allen and Babs highfive

Allen: #KnewIt

Babs: #LetsGoGetSomeCakeInTheBreakRoom

Allen: Oh, yeah! #ImGonnaPutAPieceOfThatCakeUPMYBUTT

This has become the first thing truly offensive to all three. Pause. Then,

Chuck AND Babs: #Jesus!

 

Arm Punch

Two Men, 25, in the cab of a pick-up truck, in Alabama, shirtless.

TIBO drives, one hand on wheel, wears a confederate flag/camouflaged baseball cap. TUCKER stares out the window, letting his hand play with the wind.  Time goes by, then,

Tibo  punches Tucker in the upper arm.

TUCKER: Hey, what the fuck?

TIBO: Don’t be a pussy.

TUCKER: I ain’t no pussy!

Tibo stares at Tucker until Tucker looks away, forward, to notice an oncoming car in their lane.

TUCKER:  Car. Car! CAAARRRR!!!!

Tibo turns,  grabs the wheel, jerks the truck right, on to the dirt shoulder, then hard back onto the road.  Both young men, yelling at the car that just passed.

TIBO:  Share the fucking road, asshole!

TUCKER: Jesus Christ, cock-wad!

Time passes as the two young men return to as they were, Tibo driving with one hand; and Tucker looking out the window letting his hand play wit the wind.   Tibo looks sad, or like sadness is approaching, he looks over at Tucker – he almost lost his best friend.  Then,

Tibo punches Tucker in the upper arm.

End of Play

 

Walk On By

Scene: The Stoop (or front steps) of Baltimore Rowhome

Time: Hot Summer Afternoon

GENE sits on steps, drinks Natty-Boh from can. JEAN, walks by, her unbuttoned shirt blowing open.

Gene watches her go by, shakes head, drinks his beer.

Jean walks back to stoop.

JEAN: Stop thinking what you’re thinking.

GENE: What? You don’t know what I’m thinking.

JEAN: You’re thinking about my breasts.

GENE: Oh, you do know.

(pause)

GENE: Sorry.

(pause)

GENE: It’s just that you have very nice breasts.

Jean slaps Gene across the face. Then Gene, touches his cheek then drinks his beer. They both smile.

End of Play