Can Fiscal Cliff and the Sea Quester survive a Blind Date.
Occupation: Financial debate facilitator in Washington, DC
Likes: Living on the edge, Warren Buffet, and doing crunches.
Dislikes: Non-starters, ultimatums, and tax hikes on middle class families.
Occupation: Senior Downsizing Consultant working throughout the 50 States, in some more than others.
Likes: One size fits all clothing, bargain hunting, Jimmy Buffet, and The Perfect Storm – the book not the movie, although I would not throw George Clooney out of bed!
Dislikes: Congress and other male dominated conversations.
Location: A place called Destiny. Destiny Bar and Grille.
Fiscal Cliff: I got there early. You never know, now, do you, when you might be able to get a dinner drink at happy-hour prices. Anyway, I was like, nervous. I [had] never been on a blind date before. And I had this big end-of-the-year deadline.
Sea Questor: I generally show up with force. Make everyone shrink by, say, five percent — ha, ha. But seriously, I wanted to get it all on the table — get it all spread out across-the-board.
FC: I slammed a double Scotch-on-the-Rocks before I knew it. I mean, I know a lot of people in this town are looking for ways to… to just make go away. So that evening, I just wanted to have fun… with a stranger.
SQ: Suffice it to say, I’m not usually impressed by first impressions. But, when I saw Cliff with his mouth full of beer nuts, and a fist full of bourbon…, I said, heck this guy might be near the edge. I also thought he was super cute.
FC: I went to introduce myself, but I choked on some dried bar snacks. Not a flattering way to meet. I was so light headed; I nearly passed out. I could swallow most of it, but the top 2% was stuck in my throat. Anyway, she came over and performed the heimlich maneuver. I could breathe again. I was “awkward” to say the least, but then I thought, what else could go wrong.
SQ: I did what anyone would’ve done. I mean, just letting him expire was a non-starter. And to be honest that made the rest of the evening flow.
FC: Our conversation flowed as naturally as tax hikes for Democrats, and spending cuts for Republicans. I was somber at one point. I mean, it’s tough when so many people have so many opinions about you [me] and they express them so ferociously. I ordered the precipice salad with endive.
SQ: I ordered a small sample of everything. I told Cliff I had a coupon for 5% off.
FC: I didn’t get the jokes. I just laughed when she laughed and that seemed to make her happy.
SQ: We were laughing and connecting, you know, in that way – there was definitely serious flirtation in the air. I started to really feel like we were in this thing together. — and we were sharing a dessert.
FC: And sipping Cognac.
SQ: And then the bill came.
FC: And then the bill came.
(at this point both parties paused, inhaled slowly, then exhaled audibly)
SQ: I mean, just because I cutting spending every-freakin-where-I-freakin-go doesn’t mean I get to keep it. Dump my purse upside down. It’s just not there, there’s no money, that’s the point. My job is to tell you its not there. So, right away I asked to speak to the manager.
FC: Normally, I have a few bucks, but I’m getting ready to go through a really tough period. I mean, come on, back when Clinton was President I paid for everything and left a fat tip. I mean come on. So, I suggested we dine and dash.
SQ: I said, no, these prices are too high, we’re gonna get this bill cut down to 1999 prices.
FC: I was like, hold on, why fight. If we do nothing, nothing will happen… at least until 2013.
SQ: I was all like, I’m not gonna compromise. I don’t care if this is a small business. I will shut this [expletive] down.
FC: Then the manager came over and told us that Date Lab was paying the bill.
SQ: Oh, that’s right.
FC: Yeah, we left kinda ashamed of ourselves.
SQ: And even though it was our representatives who put us on this path, we just kinda gave up.
FC: We got to the Metro, and looked down. It will be a long way down.
SQ: And the escalator was broken.