Coal is the new Black, always has been, always will be.

Coal is the new Freedom
Freedom is the new Guns
Guns are the new Jesus

Coal is Jesus
Jesus is Coal

Jesus H. Coal, and the Church of Formerly Good Jobs and Lung Disease

See the church
See the steeple
See all the mining inspectors getting their safety vests all twisted up in regulations in the coal shaft
Oranges!… The new black!
Oranges!… The new apple!
Don’t tell Apple.
Apple is the new gay.

Stream of consciousness is the only river that still has living fish.
Teach a man to fish and eventually he’ll get a reality TV show.
Crazy Uncle is the new Scary Clown
No, no, I didn’t get your text!
Oh, shit, am I still texting your mom?